I've been trying to write this blog post for a while. At least a week but I still can't seem to find the words to describe what I'm thinking and feeling. All I can say is that God is my fortress and my strength. I may feel as though I am drowning in trying to adapt back into the United States and back into classes here at Lock Haven or overwhelmed by the lengths at which God is stretching me this semester but all of that is a good thing, right? Im going to look back on this and be thankful, right? Its the most difficult times in our lives that we look back and are thankful for the work God did and the ways in which He provided. My God provides so why am I worrying? Even when I stray off the given path He calls me back to him. Hosea talks about Israel's wandering from the Lord and how He called them back. Chapter 2 verse 14 says, "Therefore, behold, I will allure her, and bring her into the wilderness and speak tenderly to her. And there I will give her her vineyard and make the Valley of Achor a door of hope. And there she shall answer as in the days of her youth as at the time when she came out of the land of Egypt.".I love the picture that this gives. If you read the whole chapter you see how God will intentionally break us down only to rebuild us stronger than before. Short, simple, sweet, and right to the point. God is working in amazing ways in my life right now. It may be the most unfamiliar and uncomfortable time in my life and I may feel completely alone because no one can possible understand what Im going through but in Christ alone my hope is found. He is my strength and because of Him I will make it through all of life's storms and come out the other side praising His great name. If I walk through the semester completely friendless and alone but proclaiming the name of Christ I will be satisfied. I will have been obedient to Christ's call to follow Him. That is what I want to accomplish this semester. That is what I pray Christ will accomplish through me this semester. I want more people to know of the great, great love of Christ. I want Christ to be glorified in everything that I do. Im standing at a crossroads. I could go back to the person I was before this summer or I can pick up my cross daily and really, truly follow Christ and rest assured in His promises. In Him alone I find my hope and joy.
"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope." - Romans 15:13
Its a strange feeling, being back in the United States and away from my family in Zimbabwe. I feel as though I am being pulled in two different directions at the same time. I am longing to be back in Zim... with the friends I made, with the church family that opened their homes to me, and the ability to seemingly put all of my plans, my selfish, unimportant plans, on hold to carry out the mission God had given me and to wholeheartedly follow Him (this last part seems much harder to do here in the States when I am surrounded by so many distractions), but God has told me clearly that now is not the time. Right now He has other things planned; I am right where He designed me to be and it is H.A.R.D.
"He says, "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." - Psalm 46:10
It is hard to be obedient, to stay, when I feel so strongly called to GO. But God keeps whispering in my ear "Not right now. Wait. Be still." As I meditate on Psalm 46:10 God is reminding me that He has a plan, the story of Christ will reach all the nations and God will be exalted in to the end of the earth "And this gospel of the kingdom will be preached in the whole world as a testimony to all nations, and then the end will come." - Matthew 24:14 God doesn't need me to complete this mission but He has placed me right where He wants me so that He can teach me, train me, and use me where I am at to share the gospel and advance His kingdom. When the time comes and He calls me to go to the nations I will be ready because I have been resting and waiting in Him.
"Why do you say, O Jacob, and speak, O Israel, “My way is hidden from the Lord, and my right is disregarded by my God”? Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; His understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to Him who has no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint." - Isaiah 40:27-31
God used this summer to teach me so much about myself, and Himself, and about who I am in Him. I know that His work in me is not complete and that He still has so much to teach me while I am home. But I'm not home- this place no longer feels like home to me. I feel like an outsider looking in, like nothing is the same anymore. I left my heart in Zim but I brought back with me a renewed desire to seek God with my whole heart and with my eye cast upward, my focus on an eternal purpose. This world is not my home. God is preparing a place for me to live with Him for all of eternity and He wants all people, tribes, tongues, and nations to know of Him. While I am here on this earth I will not stop testifying to the gospel of God's grace; I will not stop proclaiming the name of Jesus; I will go to the ends of the earth if that is where God leads me. I cannot wait to see where God takes me over this next year, and I cannot wait to see what He teaches me and how he challenges me to live my life completely for Him.
"All I know is I'm not home yet This is not where I belong Take this world and give me Jesus This is not where I belong"
